Who knows what will happen in the future? Man has been to the moon, Doctors seem to perform ‘miracles’ on a daily basis, your father didn’t ‘kick-off’ when I suggested we look at a new property, so maybe, just maybe, one day your brain can be fixed.
I’m writing you this in the hope that “that’ day is not in the too distant future and you will be able to understand that everything I do – everything, is to make you happy.
I was broken hearted when I dropped you to respite yesterday………I hate doing it, I feel such guilt and it didn’t help that you wouldn’t look at me or ‘bow’ your head for me to kiss you goodbye. Do you hate going? Do you like going? Do you wonder if I will ever be back to pick you up? Do you care? I don’t know how you feel, everything is guesswork. You were so tetchy yesterday and I tried everything to just make you comfortable and happy but you weren’t playing my game.
I sat for what seemed a lifetime with you holding my finger whilst watching endless episodes of Teletubbies. I played your favourite tune in the car (on a loop). I drove to the park to take you to the swing (which you fell off). I took you to look at the cows and horses in the field down the lane, you didn’t even react to them, you were so moody. We single handedly added a big hole in the ozone layer with the miles we drove, yet when we got home, you still seemed so unhappy and irritated. Are you suffering? Are you frustrated? What can I do to help you?
Unfortunately Daisy you’ve drawn a very short straw and you are stuck with me so we have to make the best of a bad situation. You will never want for anything, I can give you all you need (thanks to your dad), but the one thing I can’t give you – yet – is a useful brain; that day will come, I’m sure of it, but until then we just have to get through each day, and if you’re happy we are all happy.
I love you Daisy, I’m just so sad for the life I’ve given you x