I was watching Daisy on her bedroom monitor this morning………she was just sitting up in bed, dummy sucking in and out of her mouth, rattling the bed-rail furiously to get attention. I really couldn’t be bothered to get up and see to her, I just lay and watched. The rattling got more and more intense until ‘snap’ yet another bed-rail broken……..bloody hell, why didn’t I just get up after all it was just past 5am, grrrrr!
Our morning went quite well. The newly turned 16-year-old was delightful. Nappy change…..tick, breakfast……..tick, dressing……..tick, medication………tick (after three attempts), another nappy change………tick. No remotes, make-up, food, toys, iPads, iPhones were offered to me whilst I showered – could this be the new grown up Daisy?
Daisy arrived home and was still in this gloriously happy and compliant mood. Her food was ready and waiting and feeding went without a hitch. After dinner I settled her beside me and put on her favourite programmes, today I chose Clifford the Big Red Dog………She excitedly meowed, barked, quacked and hissed, she was so happy. I was happy.
Even now, after all these years, it’s the small mundane things that make me stumble, which jolt dark feelings buried deep in the recesses of my mind……………..
Opening Daisy’s home / school book I came across a certificate. It was a ‘Celebrate Success’ Certificate. It read:
“Congratulations to Daisy for turning the pages in the book, Well Done”
Well Bloody Done!!! How can I feel pride seeing such a certificate? Turning the pages in the book!!! It was a stark reminder that Daisy is not your average 16-year-old by any stretch of the imagination and as I sat watching her programmes with her I felt myself just staring at her. She looks much, much younger than her years but I guess a typical 16 year old girl is nowadays caked in the latest MAC make-up to see their true identity; she has an enviable innocence, a fuzzy, goofy, infectious smile and the amazing ability to make me feel such deep love; Daisy is oblivious to her problems and that is such a blessing, she has a pampered life so I really should not get hung up on her certificate, I should just accept it after all, she can turn the pages of a book for goodness sake!
Behind our front door it seems weirdly normal to have this unusual girl, sometimes manic, sometimes passive but with a strange gift of being able to bring joy. Sometimes I want to kill her, throttle her, beat her with a big stick, but these are just wine induced threats, I would never lay a finger on Daisy, for if I did, boy she wouldn’t half wallop me!