Bank Holiday Blues

4am. 4 bloody am. It’s bank holiday Monday, what’s wrong with this child? The rest of the world is sleeping, even the birds can’t be blamed today as they are having a lie-in.

I hate her this morning but Daisy is so happy. Even me shouting and screaming doesn’t stop her being happy, she just is. She’s pulling and prodding me, trying to talk, communicate. She want’s up and I have no choice  (well I do but what I am feeling I would like to do right now would see me with a life sentence!) I have  to get up and I’m angry. I’m angry that my husband is in some fancy hotel somewhere in the world enjoying sleep. The neighbours are asleep, in fact everyone is asleep apart from this stupid child of mine!

I feel like I’m going to explode with rage, bitterness, jealousy. I must have been rotten in my past life. Maybe I was a mass murderer? Hang Man? Torturer? All my past lives are coming back to plague me.

Today is going to be one of the longest……ever! I’m so envious reading of all the families on their day trips and get togethers. Do people intentionally try to wind me up? Are their lives that great? The answer is probably ‘no” to both questions but that doesn’t make me feel any happier. For me its just another day of caring for this girl whom time has stood still for. No day is different. She is just happy to hold the same toy Fimbles (even that she can’t bloody wind), look at pictures in the same bloody books, watch the same bloody tv shows. Nothing changes, nothing has for sixteen bloody years and I’m angry.

So there we have it, Bank Holiday Monday P**S OFF!

2 thoughts on “Bank Holiday Blues

  1. I recently found your blog. Its absolutely heartbreaking what you and poor Daisy have to go through, but at the same time so unbelievably inspiring that you are able to go on and give her a quality of life.

    I am sorry you had a bad weekend, but I hope things get better for you. Your story will inspire so many other people to overcome the worst tragedies and hardships. Keep posting please.

    Like

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